Narsilia

hm yeah, been a while o.o First of all, my muse is a wreck lately. Have no passion or input to draw or write ._. well, I try but somehow it's not working at the moment. Hopefully it will come back >< Therapy is going... well. It's going. We didn't make much progress, but she made a sh*tload of money... hurr hurr. Good for her I suppose. I try to cooperate though, it's just kinda... hard at times. Let's stay with that. Today I went out horse riding alone with Conquestador (he's a former race-trotter), and fell off. Got right back onto the saddle in my shock state but I think that my poor baby was even more shocked than me ^^; he refus

so... received the official diagnosis about 2 weeks ago. I had the suspicion that it's Borderline, but the result... I don't know how to deal with it. Borderline is there, for sure. But it's "only" a high tendency aka a co-morbidity. The main diagnosis is Schizotypal Personality Disorder + moderate Depression and other Co-Morbities. He. A mental illness only 0.5 - 3.0 % worldwide suffer from. And it's not even investigated properly. I think I can go and shoot myself, once and for all. I feel like fucking crap. The only good thing is that I found a therapist who took me in right a few days after, gotta pay 80€ each session and the hea

All I heard was the sound of fish who'd drowned. All I saw was the inside of my eyelids. All I said fell short of reaching open ears. Word's floating, clouding the view... “See no, hear no, speak no evil” leave you deaf, dumb and blind, because the bad is all that you'll find. A deeply heart-felt goodbye to the part of me that dies when I decided to put others before me, yes, my heart fell asleep -- boredom and fatigue. I always said I wanted to die smiling, to pretend I'm at peave. Now from my corpse beams a frigid, blank grin and once hopeful eyes are sunken in. Like a lullaby to the cradle is the eulogy to the casket.